Certifiable virgins

Because purity rings arent quite lame enough, now for reasons unbeknownst to mankind a website is offering young and old gal's n' guys the opportunity to get a fancy Certificate of Virginity. It'll look great up on the wall next to the degree from the University of Stupid and the diploma from the Institute of Utter Idiocy. You can even 'Certify Your Friends'. Seriously. 


from the website: 
HAVE YOU BEEN PRESERVING YOURSELF, BUT NOBODY BELIEVES YOU? NOW YOU CAN PROVE YOUR VIRGINITY WITH YOUR CERTIFICATE!

Finally. Why even bother researching a cure for AIDS? The world is saved! Huzzah!

http://certifiedvirgin.com/

Palin's pathetic pursuits...

It would seem that former governor of Alaska and future nobody Sarah Palin is embarking on the new career path of choice for the illiterate, imbecilic and inbred : Reality TV. With the help of uber-producer Mark Burnett, the man responsible for Survivor and a host of other patently annoying television, Ms. wannabe VP will be shopping the networks and pitching a reality show about her home state. If only she could remember where that was.

God help us all. 

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-quick5-2010mar05,0,6267470.story

the iFad is coming...

On April 3rd the world is going to change. Why? Because on April 3rd Mr. Jobs will allow the masses to shell out boatloads of hard-earned cash on the 'magical and revolutionary' iPad. Gone are the days of people reading newspapers and using laptops, because Mr. Jobs says so.

This is a dramatic time in history. A time when the world will witness the birth of the iPad yuppies who sneer at people reading the printed word while sipping their non-fat mocha lattes and staring at their reflections in the shiny screen of pointlessness. A new lexicon will likely emerge, one where the term iPad will be bandied about as a verb. A new flavour of cool will be born, and the world will become a slightly more frigid and senseless place. All thanks to Mr. Jobs and his evil magic. 

All hail the latest iFad, or be harangued by fanboys until your eyes bleed. 

(Did you know that if you plant your iPhone or iPod Touch in some potting soil and water it for two weeks it'll grow into an iPad? Make sure to give it plenty of sunshine and a few drops of fertilizer or fresh manure. Go ahead... try it...)  

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/03/ipad-to-go-on-sale-april-3-pre-orders-begin-in-a-week/

Gordon Brown thinks war is cool

Stunning words from the British PM, who essentially told a war inquiry that war was the right thing to do, even though he didn't know much about it. Top notch insolence right there ladies and gentlemen. Bravo Mr. Brown.

See what he did there? He defended Tony Blair by saying the war was the right thing and then tried to limit his involvement in the savagely unpopular affair by playing dumb. Which, when you bear in mind that Mr. Brown was chancellor at the time, probably wasn't the cleverest way to go about things, considering it was him who essentially PAID for the bloodbath that ensued.

Way to tighten the pursestrings there Gordo. Nice job. Next time you feel like whoring out your country to the whims of your chums, at least get a solid proposal on your desk. Or a powerpoint presentation. Just a bit of effort, that's all we ask.


http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article7052011.ece